Gabe has been keeping me *extremely* busy with his turning 3 and not wanting to be a recognizably sweet child anymore. Maybe that's a bit over the top. He does still have his moments where he rubs my cheek and looks intently into my eyes, saying in the most adorable quiet voice "I love you Mommy. You know that?". The other moments of the day, I want to pull all of my hair out. Really. This boy has skipped the terrible two's altogether and has moved on to the terrible three's. I should have expected this, as Vaeh did the very same thing. At two she was the most perfect child, sweet and angelic. When she turned three she developed this attitude where when people would ask me how old she was I would say "Oh she's three, going on thirteen". When she turned four she snapped right back into sweetheart mode and has stayed that way ever since. I am hoping Gabe is the same. Boy am I ever. The last few weeks he has decided he no longer needs naps and most days doesn't have one. Mommy on the other hand, *knows* he needs naps because come 5pm he is running around the house throwing toys, hitting, not listening to anything I say, climbing on furniture, being mean to his sister and the daycare kiddies, and basically being the complete opposite of my sweet guy. *sniffle* My patience has been wearing very thin lately. I keep reminding myself this is just a season, just a stage, and for the most part that helps.
Once the weather started cooling and the fall rains began, I decided that being car-free and biking full time wasn't a completely viable option for us. We did great with it during the summer, and while it did have it's challenges (planning ahead a lot, weather issues, time constraints, travel distance limited, etc.), I'm glad we did it. Aside from the weather, I realized how unsafe I often felt being out with my kids. I've never had an experience to really justify my feelings here, but I felt very vulnerable. I like to think I live in a safe area, but there is stuff that goes on quite frequently around my neighborhood and the surrounding neighborhoods and for awhile they seemed to be escalating. I found myself looking over my shoulder a lot, and having worst-case-scenarios go through my head more than I cared for. With our activities that we have happening, and daylight savings time in the fall, I would very often be walking around in the dark which made me uncomfortable. Another factor was just the lack of proper cycling infrastructure. I couldn't get comfortable riding on the roads alone, let alone pulling the bike trailer, and drivers were showing that they just weren't happy with me being there either. After giving it some careful thought, I decided that this is probably just not the right time to be trying to do this, and perhaps I could give it a go when the kids are a bit older and we are all more experienced riders. So with that I put insurance back on my van and really haven't looked back. The second I got in the drivers seat after months of not driving, I instantly felt safe. Isn't that funny?? I mean, really, when you consider how unsafe vehicles are, the fact that I felt safe there is bizarre. Knowing that I wasn't going to be completely vulnerable anymore though, was a huge sigh of relief. I don't enjoy the costs associated with driving, but I am staying much closer to home these days which I figured out quickly how to do while we were biking everywhere, so I'm not spending as much as I very easily could.
So right now I'm at a place where I'm really enjoying getting things done, and feeling quite satisfied with my accomplishments, but I'm also fighting with myself to find time to rest and relax and do things I really enjoy not just stuff that *has* to get done. Once the kids go to bed it gives me time to have Bible study or read or crochet or just do whatever I feel like. It's really nice, but it's not nearly long enough!! I've been working on getting to bed earlier (no more of this 12am/1am business) and unfortunately that cuts into my very precious me-time. You want to know something though? I'm really making a point to enjoy every second of my crazy-chaotic-busyness though, because every night when I go to bed and I see my babies' sleeping faces it makes me miss this time even though it's still here. I know there will come a day when they will be old enough to not need me as much, or want to spend as much time with me. And then there's the day where they will be grown and moving on to their own lives. Just writing that is bringing tears to my eyes. As much as they can drive me crazy, pulling me in all directions, they *need* me. My job right now is to be their everything. Being a parent is a blessing from God ( Psalm 127:3-5) and I embrace that blessing everyday. I couldn't ask for a better job, or a better gift. So as much as I may complain, or as busy as I may get, I'm incredibly thankful. This season will pass soon enough and we will enter into a new one that is full of new experiences and new adventures and I will embrace that season just as I embrace this one.
With that I leave a promise to be back here often to update and share, and a super awesome video that has become my new theme song that a good friend of mine has ever so thoughtfully shared with me. Hope you enjoy it!