Forgive Me If I Make No Sense

I woke up this morning with a cold. Fun. My head has been spinning all day, so I will do my best to put together a proper post. I apologize in advance if that doesn't happen.
As much as I *try* to take care of myself, I forget to take my vitamins every day, I don't get enough exercise, and I am a child care provider. What does this mean? I tend to get sick more than I like to. But not to worry. In the short term, I've been having spoonfuls of raw honey, drinking plenty of green tea and getting lots of rest. In the long term, I plan on fixing the vitamin and exercise problem. The daycare thing I'm kind of stuck with.

I've had a busy week. So what else is new! It's been a week of household projects and there have been quite a few. I've done some wallpapering, some painting and staining of furniture, some organizing of storage closets, and have been working on putting together a homeschool room out of the spare room in my house. I've also spent this week helping Vaeh and Gabe put together shoeboxes for the Samaritan's Purse: Operation Christmas Child program. Each year around the same time we fill shoeboxes full of goodies for less fortunate children in other countries and the children receive them by Christmas. Last year we did 2 shoeboxes, this year we did 4. I attempted to do 5 but I just couldn't get it done in time.



It has been a great experience doing this with my kids, and I'm hoping that I instill into them a heart for giving. I see it developing in Vaeh. For awhile Gabe seemed to think that I was filling up shoeboxes for him and got quite upset with me when I tried to tell him otherwise. I think he finally got it though as today he began filling up the 5th empty box we had with his own toys, saying he was filling his shoebox for kids. I think it's really important that we do things like this with our children, and show them there is more to life than ourselves. Not only did we shop for the items together, but we filled the boxes together, and while we filled the boxes we talked about the children who would get them. When the shoeboxes were ready to go, we prayed over them together that each shoebox would reach just the right child that was meant to have the items inside, and when it was time to drop the shoeboxes off at the church, we all carried them in. Even though they won't be able to see the end result of the children receiving the boxes, involving them in as much of the process as possible is a good start.

Well I will keep this post short and sweet, just like me, and get some more much needed rest. The hardest part for me with being sick is the not being able to get things done. Fingers crossed that changes quickly!

Nightynights
xo

Ack! 3.5 Months!!

Yes folks, that, embarrassingly, is the last time I have posted on my blog. But wait!! I have a note from my Mom! Okay I don't, but I do have a really good excuse reason for my absence and all around neglect. It seems I have entered into a significantly busy season of life. As if being a single Mom wasn't busy enough. We did seem to be going at a good pace for awhile there, taking it easy and handling things as they come. That season has passed. I miss that season. To be honest, I think what happened was I had been putting off a lot of things and just focused on enjoying a slower pace. Those things that I've put off are now screaming to get done (more like I'm screaming at myself to do them) and I've gone into accomplish mode. Now that Autumn has arrived (which I'm ecstatic about as it's my favorite season!) classes have started up again for the kids and activities are abounding. Vaeh is back in dance class (hip hop again, of course) and is also now participating in a girls club at our new church (YES! We found a great church!! I'll have to share soon). She gets to hang out with a group of girls from grade 1 to grade 5 one night a week for an hour and a half where they sing songs, do crafts, bake, have sleepovers and grow in their relationship with God. It's fantastic and I'm so completely happy that she is fellowshipping with other girls and is making new friendships. *sigh*. That makes my heart content right there.
Gabe has been keeping me *extremely* busy with his turning 3 and not wanting to be a recognizably sweet child anymore. Maybe that's a bit over the top. He does still have his moments where he rubs my cheek and looks intently into my eyes, saying in the most adorable quiet voice "I love you Mommy. You know that?". The other moments of the day, I want to pull all of my hair out. Really. This boy has skipped the terrible two's altogether and has moved on to the terrible three's. I should have expected this, as Vaeh did the very same thing. At two she was the most perfect child, sweet and angelic. When she turned three she developed this attitude where when people would ask me how old she was I would say "Oh she's three, going on thirteen". When she turned four she snapped right back into sweetheart mode and has stayed that way ever since. I am hoping Gabe is the same. Boy am I ever. The last few weeks he has decided he no longer needs naps and most days doesn't have one. Mommy on the other hand, *knows* he needs naps because come 5pm he is running around the house throwing toys, hitting, not listening to anything I say, climbing on furniture, being mean to his sister and the daycare kiddies, and basically being the complete opposite of my sweet guy. *sniffle* My patience has been wearing very thin lately. I keep reminding myself this is just a season, just a stage, and for the most part that helps.

Once the weather started cooling and the fall rains began, I decided that being car-free and biking full time wasn't a completely viable option for us. We did great with it during the summer, and while it did have it's challenges (planning ahead a lot, weather issues, time constraints, travel distance limited, etc.), I'm glad we did it. Aside from the weather, I realized how unsafe I often felt being out with my kids. I've never had an experience to really justify my feelings here, but I felt very vulnerable. I like to think I live in a safe area, but there is stuff that goes on quite frequently around my neighborhood and the surrounding neighborhoods and for awhile they seemed to be escalating. I found myself looking over my shoulder a lot, and having worst-case-scenarios go through my head more than I cared for. With our activities that we have happening, and daylight savings time in the fall, I would very often be walking around in the dark which made me uncomfortable. Another factor was just the lack of proper cycling infrastructure. I couldn't get comfortable riding on the roads alone, let alone pulling the bike trailer, and drivers were showing that they just weren't happy with me being there either. After giving it some careful thought, I decided that this is probably just not the right time to be trying to do this, and perhaps I could give it a go when the kids are a bit older and we are all more experienced riders. So with that I put insurance back on my van and really haven't looked back. The second I got in the drivers seat after months of not driving, I instantly felt safe. Isn't that funny?? I mean, really, when you consider how unsafe vehicles are, the fact that I felt safe there is bizarre. Knowing that I wasn't going to be completely vulnerable anymore though, was a huge sigh of relief. I don't enjoy the costs associated with driving, but I am staying much closer to home these days which I figured out quickly how to do while we were biking everywhere, so I'm not spending as much as I very easily could.

So right now I'm at a place where I'm really enjoying getting things done, and feeling quite satisfied with my accomplishments, but I'm also fighting with myself to find time to rest and relax and do things I really enjoy not just stuff that *has* to get done. Once the kids go to bed it gives me time to have Bible study or read or crochet or just do whatever I feel like. It's really nice, but it's not nearly long enough!! I've been working on getting to bed earlier (no more of this 12am/1am business) and unfortunately that cuts into my very precious me-time. You want to know something though? I'm really making a point to enjoy every second of my crazy-chaotic-busyness though, because every night when I go to bed and I see my babies' sleeping faces it makes me miss this time even though it's still here. I know there will come a day when they will be old enough to not need me as much, or want to spend as much time with me. And then there's the day where they will be grown and moving on to their own lives. Just writing that is bringing tears to my eyes. As much as they can drive me crazy, pulling me in all directions, they *need* me. My job right now is to be their everything. Being a parent is a blessing from God ( Psalm 127:3-5) and I embrace that blessing everyday. I couldn't ask for a better job, or a better gift. So as much as I may complain, or as busy as I may get, I'm incredibly thankful. This season will pass soon enough and we will enter into a new one that is full of new experiences and new adventures and I will embrace that season just as I embrace this one.

With that I leave a promise to be back here often to update and share, and a super awesome video that has become my new theme song that a good friend of mine has ever so thoughtfully shared with me. Hope you enjoy it!

Time Away, Simplifying and Finished Projects

These last couple of weeks I decided to step back and take a bit of time away from all of the common day distractions that keep me so tied up time and time again. Mainly television and the computer. Instead of checking emails every 10 minutes, updating statuses every hour and watching garbage on TV, I dug into some wholesomeness and feel-good activities. Stuff I've really been needing mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I don't know about you, but I often feel so overwhelmed by all of the "stuff" out there that we all can't seem to live without these days. I find
myself anxious, flustered, stressed out and wired, like I've had too much coffee to drink. I really needed this. The first thing I did was grabbed my crochet hooks and got to work on a blanket for Gabe that I had been slowly piecing together. It was my first actual project and it took many, many, many hours to complete but once I did, wow. It felt fabulous. Working with my hands is so incredibly relaxing and therapeutic for me, so this was fantastic. Of course with crocheting being as addicting as it is, I also crocheted a produce bag and I'm working on a ring. Pictures to come. During the times when I am crocheting, Vaeh will put on a DVD of The Sound of Music and the three of us will cheerfully sing the songs together. Other times it will just be the sound of each of us doing our own thing together. Vaeh has been a very, very busy girl playing with her modelling clay, sculpting miniature watermelon and banana bunches for her miniature make-believe picnics in the park, or a row of hearts to show me "how much she loves me". The sound of creativity and fun is a much sweeter sound to fill the air then the sounds that come from the idiot box, as my Dad used to call it. I've been leaning closer and closer toward cancelling cable but I'm not quite there yet. In the meantime, long bouts of keeping it turned off is perfect.

After finishing Gabe's blanket I got motivated to do other things around the house that I've been meaning to get to. Namely, Vaeh's bedroom. Slowly but surely I've been working on each room of my house, painting and organizing, to put my touch on things and make my home as cozy and as reflective of me as possible. Not all rooms are completed, but I had done a lot of work on the living room, kitchen, powder room and my bedroom. I've been promising Vaeh a real bedroom for a few years now. When I was with my ex, we moved around so much because of his problems that Vaeh hasn't had a real bedroom. We never stayed anywhere long enough to decorate and make it her own. That really made me sad, especially since she wanted a room that was her own so badly. Every little girl wants a little girl room. The plan for her room was that she would share it with Gabe once he outgrew sharing my bed with me. Her room wouldn't comfortably accommodate two beds, so bunkbeds was the answer. I had an idea in my head of the type of bunkbeds I wanted to get for them but buying a new set was out of the question. I happened to be browsing Craigslist last week and low and behold, I found the perfect set. Thankfully I had a little money put away and I was able to get them. I don't have pictures to share yet but I will in the next few days. So with bunkbeds purchased, I picked out a paint color and got to painting their room. It took me all day to clear out their room, wash the walls, paint two coats of paint, let it dry and then assemble the beds, but it was so worth it. Doing things like this makes me really proud to be on my own. It makes me feel strong and completely capable of getting things done, feelings I didn't think I would have when I was just venturing out on my own as a single Mom. I'll be the first to admit that it does present a challenge, but it's not impossible. It's empowering. If you aren't being challenged, you aren't growing. Plain and simple. I'm incredibly grateful that I took the time to learn certain things throughout my life. I never left things like programming the DVD player, changing light fixtures in the house (involving rewiring), being tech savvy, home repair, etc., up to the guy. I always figured stuff out on my own (which is a big part of my personality) and it has helped me immensely.

Another thing I've been doing to create a little bit of mental peace is going grocery shopping early in the morning. Since we walk to the grocery store I decided it would probably be a good idea to do it earlier in the day. Traffic is calmer, the weather is cooler and the grocery store is near empty. Because I have daycare kiddies coming to my house in the morning I need to make sure we get home in time to welcome them. This is our shopping schedule:

-Leave home at 8:00am
-Get to store by 8:30am
-Shop until 9:00am
-Get home at 9:30am
-Welcome the kiddies around 10am

Some days I have kids arrive earlier than 10, so I plan our shopping trips to fall on days where they aren't coming until 10. This has worked out really, really well. The walking has been great, especially shortly after waking up. We typically don't have breakfast until we come home as I've found walking on an empty-ish stomach just feels better, in the daytime anyway. A walk after dinner feels great too. Shopping in a large grocery store that is almost empty is INCREDIBLE. I can't stand the lineups and chaos of packed stores, which is mostly why I avoid going to malls and shopping in general unless necessary. I have a very sensitive personality (see here and here about being highly sensitive) and things affect me more than the average person. It took me a long while to understand this, and now that I do I embrace it and love that I am highly sensitive. I don't always take care of this side of me though, and more often then not I get caught up in life and things and forget this very important part of me and before I know it I'm completely frazzled and overwhelmed. This will be something I work on for sure.

So I'm working on cutting back on things. A lot. I need more peace in my life and more things that stimulate me emotionally. I've committed to only checking emails twice a day, with the hopes to reduce that further to once a day in the near future. I'm working on reducing my aimless internet browsing to only looking up specific things when the need arises. This alone has cut back on my computer usage immensely. I only visit my Facebook page every other day or so and I've even gone as far as cleaning up my friends list, removing "friends" that I don't talk to regularly, if at all. So far I've removed almost half of my friends list, and I plan to do more. Simplifying to me isn't about making things easier. In fact, simplifying your life can be harder in the beginning, but it does get easier. Even exciting. Living simply is about cutting back and decluttering. Whether that be in your home, your office, your schedule, your mind, activities you participate in, your wardrobe, whatever. The old adage of "less is more" couldn't ring more true. And once you see the benefits of cutting back and/or organizing and/or decluttering one area of your life, you'll want to do more because it feels so good. I plan on doing much more.

Change Is Good

I've noticed that when you start to make major changes in one area of your life, it starts to creep into all areas of your life. At times it's almost hard to keep up with it but it's necessary. At least for me. I believe that if you aren't changing you are just standing still, just existing. I think in order to move ahead in life we need to make changes. It's how we grow. I've been working hard at changing my lifestyle, my surroundings, my business, my state of mind, and I'm trying even harder to surround myself with things that best represent me and what make me happy. Including people. The Pastor at my church always says that if you want to see a glimpse of your future, look around you, because what you surround yourself with will determine where you end up. That's good stuff.

Over the weekend I got rid of some of my office furniture, putting me one step closer to setting up my ideal workspace. I haven't had much of a chance in the last couple of weeks to visit any thrift or antique stores to find a new work surface. I've been looking on Craigslist and have seen some really nice, big, old tables which is what I want for my new work surface, but they go so quickly!! They seem to be a sought after item. I know I'll find the right one soon enough.

Last night I spent far too much time working on my blog. As you can see, I made a few changes, but today I am exhausted. I was up late. I just couldn't stop playing around with the HTML. I never seem to put 'sleep' at the top of my priorities. I should look into that.

Forgetful Me

I vaguely recall something I mentioned about possibly sharing a super cute craft project in my next post. This was over a week ago. Hmmmmm. I completely blame this momentary bout of forgetfulness on the Holidays. And hey...at least I'm remembering now and not months from now, which I could totally see happening. I haven't had much time to work on it so I won't post any pictures of what I've done, but check out http://www.rosylittlethings.com/ and have a look. These are one of the cutest craft sets I've seen in awhile.

Last night Vaeh and I played a very intense game of Mouse Trap. Okay maybe it wasn't "intense" per se, but there was some serious giggling going on. She got it for Christmas and couldn't wait to break it out.

I loved this game as a child and I totally remember why. Unfortunately for Vaeh, beginners luck wasn't present.

I was the red mouse.

I try to make a very conscious effort to be present in Gabe and Vaeh's lives and if it means playing board games everyday then so be it. You would think working from home would allow me to be present, but not necessarily. Sure I get to see them everyday and all day long but that's not the same as being present. It's important to set aside time each day where I'm engaged in their activities, their conversations and their special moments. No matter how busy I get, missing out on their childhood is not worth anything in the world and I make sure I remember that.

I think one of my resolutions for 2010 is to slow down a little bit. I have a tendency to take on too much at once so I need to complete the tasks at hand before starting new ones. Maybe that will be my ONLY resolution this year. Less pressure. I like it.

Last year my goal was to try new things, things that interest me, so I don't look back on my life saying 'I wish I had tried that'. There are a lot of things that interest me so I really need to pace myself. Right now I'm taking a course in interior re-design/home staging and I am also getting my first year certificate in Biblical studies. The smart thing would have been to take on one at a time but that's so not my style. Working, homeschooling and taking two courses is a lot to manage. I've definitely learned my lesson though and will take next year to finish the courses up and then go from there, focusing on one thing at a time. It's no wonder I'm so forgetful!

Inspiration

I've spent the last few days perusing the inner workings of Etsy and I came across their blog called The Storque. Here they give you very detailed glimpses into everything handmade. As if all of the beautiful Etsy storefronts weren't enough, I'm now addicted to The Storque. Specifically, the 'Videos' section. The videos highlight different artists and crafters and show you a snippet of their studios, their art, their craft and their life. After seeing some of the studios that people are working out of, it has inspired me to completely redo my office and turn it into an actual studio. My office feels so... "office-y". It's no wonder to me that I do most of my crafting in my kitchen. I don't have dedicated workspace, it's unorganized and it has NO personality. It's so very blah. Thanks to Etsy I've seen teeny tiny studios, studios that make me drool, studios that are so loud they would give me a headache and studios that are incredibly humble. All in all, they made me feel inspired and that to me is what a studio should invoke. I want to walk into my studio and have it just feel amazing to me. I want it to scream that it's mine and more than anything I want to want to work in it. So I've made up my mind and I'm completely re-doing it. I'm so excited to get started! My first step is going to be to purge. I have too much useless "stuff" in it, doing nothing but taking up space so that is going to go. Once that's done I will be hitting thrift stores, flea markets and antique malls and infusing some life into my space. I'll post pics of my progress. Off I go!!!

Another Day At the Office

I just wanted to post this quickly to show what most of my day consists of while trying to work. Welcome to the life of a work at home Mom! When I sit down at the computer it's playtime for Gabe.

I snapped these with my webcam in my kitchen, hence the poor lighting, but you get the idea!