Happy New Year

The end of 2009 is upon us. What a year it's been. If you had asked me on December 31st of 2008 if I thought I'd be a single parent this time next year I don't think I would have believed you. This time last year I was incredibly depressed and stuck in the mindset that my life was what it was and I just needed to accept it. As much as I told myself that, that inner voice inside me kept fighting those words, and thank GOD that voice was louder than mine. At the beginning of 2009 I don't think I had ever been more unsure scared terrified in my entire life. It's amazing how much of a difference a year can make in your life. 2009 has led me to discover a strength in me that I didn't know I had and I don't know if I would have ever found it if I had stayed where I was. 2009 has taken me on a journey that definitely had it's ups and downs, but without both I wouldn't be who I am now. Looking forward on 2010 I think it's important to look back. As we all gear up to make long lists of changes we want to see, we should look back on the changes we should have made. Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world". I think that is all the resolution we need.

Tonight I will be spending New Year's Eve at home with my children. Not out celebrating, not out drinking the night away, and it's not because I can't find a babysitter. Tonight I'm spending the evening with the people who matter the most in my world. I will spend the next year slowing down and paying more attention, finishing what I started, and being the change I want to see in the world.

Happy New Year :)

Forgetful Me

I vaguely recall something I mentioned about possibly sharing a super cute craft project in my next post. This was over a week ago. Hmmmmm. I completely blame this momentary bout of forgetfulness on the Holidays. And hey...at least I'm remembering now and not months from now, which I could totally see happening. I haven't had much time to work on it so I won't post any pictures of what I've done, but check out http://www.rosylittlethings.com/ and have a look. These are one of the cutest craft sets I've seen in awhile.

Last night Vaeh and I played a very intense game of Mouse Trap. Okay maybe it wasn't "intense" per se, but there was some serious giggling going on. She got it for Christmas and couldn't wait to break it out.

I loved this game as a child and I totally remember why. Unfortunately for Vaeh, beginners luck wasn't present.

I was the red mouse.

I try to make a very conscious effort to be present in Gabe and Vaeh's lives and if it means playing board games everyday then so be it. You would think working from home would allow me to be present, but not necessarily. Sure I get to see them everyday and all day long but that's not the same as being present. It's important to set aside time each day where I'm engaged in their activities, their conversations and their special moments. No matter how busy I get, missing out on their childhood is not worth anything in the world and I make sure I remember that.

I think one of my resolutions for 2010 is to slow down a little bit. I have a tendency to take on too much at once so I need to complete the tasks at hand before starting new ones. Maybe that will be my ONLY resolution this year. Less pressure. I like it.

Last year my goal was to try new things, things that interest me, so I don't look back on my life saying 'I wish I had tried that'. There are a lot of things that interest me so I really need to pace myself. Right now I'm taking a course in interior re-design/home staging and I am also getting my first year certificate in Biblical studies. The smart thing would have been to take on one at a time but that's so not my style. Working, homeschooling and taking two courses is a lot to manage. I've definitely learned my lesson though and will take next year to finish the courses up and then go from there, focusing on one thing at a time. It's no wonder I'm so forgetful!

Come And Gone

Another Christmas has come and gone. It's kind of nice to be through the chaos and to have calm back in my home. We had a nice relaxing Christmas Eve. We attended the candlelit service at our church which was amazing as usual, and then returned home to do some baking and read Christmas stories. I finished up the last of my wrapping and my gift-making, which included some candied orange peels for my Parent's and my Sister.

They were exceptionally yummy, and were a hit with the family. Gabe kept stealing peels while they were drying and stuffing them into his mouth before I could catch him! Luckily he left enough for everyone else.

Santa was good to the kids this year, as always. Vaeh loved the art easel she received from a friend of mine.

She insisted on drawing a picture of me.

Spitting image.

We spent 2 nights and 3 days at my Parent's house and it was really nice to have all of us together. Their house was so cozy, especially at night.

I spent the good part of Boxing Day playing with my new present, the camera I've been wanting for months!

These are shots of my Parent's backyard.

And more of their backyard...

I'm so happy I got my camera :)

I'm looking forward to the new year, the start of a new decade, and all the things that are to come.

All Things Christmas

Well today is the first day of Winter and the week of Christmas. Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday so I love this time of year and everything that goes along with it. It's been a little bit more challenging though as I'm doing it all as a single parent so there is more work to be done by one person, but so far it's shaping up to be the best Christmas yet. We got our first dusting of snow last week but it was quickly followed by rain and the few centimetres we got was all washed away. It was nice to have even a little bit though.

One of the activities on our Advent Calendar was for Vaeh to make Christmas cards for her friends in our complex. She was so excited to get going and did a wonderful job. She has yet to stick candy canes to the envelopes and then hand them out. I'm sure we will do that tomorrow.

This year we have tried to incorporate as many handmade gifts into our giving and next year we are aiming for a completely handmade Christmas with all of the gifts we give will be handmade in some form or another. I thought it would be a great project for Vaeh to learn how to make beeswax candles and to give them as a gift to her Grandparents and to her Aunt.

Here she is rolling the candles for her Aunt.

I've spent the last few days working on some knitting projects and being cozied up on the couch near the fireplace. Of course my favorite special Christmas drink was on hand.

Tonight we are heading out to have pictures taken with Santa and then we'll return home to do some crafting. I'm going to be working on a darling felt and embroidery project that I found. I'll share the project in my next post. Have a cozy night!

Ode To Silence

You know your kids are getting older when they are more than happy to play in their bedroom alone instead of hanging off of your pant legs. Gabe (2) and Vaeh (just shy of 7) have just left the dinner table to go play together in their room. Where does the time go? The nice thing about it is I have some much sought after quiet time. That's refreshing. I do know what has spurred this sudden desire to play together. We've been doing a lot of cutting back on unnecessary things. One of which, the television. I used to be really bad with the TV, watching it for hours upon hours a day and before I would know it, the whole day would be gone and I accomplished nothing but a butt-ache. That's a real thing you know. I always wanted to cut back on TV but I was raised in front of a TV and I honestly didn't know how to go about a day at home without it on. With all these lifestyle changes I've been making it's really caused a shift in my thinking and I just don't want the things that I used to want anymore. One day I woke up and just simply did not turn the TV on, and kept it off for the whole day. I was pretty impressed with myself, and notably impressed with my kids who didn't whine or complain once. Not that they do typically, but when a fixture like the TV goes off, kids tend to voice their opinions on that one. Now I have a bit of a routine set where I wake up in the morning, do my morning thing and then sit down on the couch with a cup of coffee and watch the news for about half an hour. At 9am I watch 100 Huntley Street and then occasionally I will watch CityLine at 10am. After that the TV goes off and I carry on with the rest of my day. Often times the TV won't come on at all. Sometimes we'll throw in a movie in the afternoon and curl up together to watch, but that's about it. I find myself to be much more focused after making this change.

It looks like I may have spoken too soon. The kids have returned to my sanctuary of silence and are racing toy cars around me and shrieking. I should put the TV on for them  I should entertain them with something. I think a nice, quiet craft is in order :)

Inspiration

I've spent the last few days perusing the inner workings of Etsy and I came across their blog called The Storque. Here they give you very detailed glimpses into everything handmade. As if all of the beautiful Etsy storefronts weren't enough, I'm now addicted to The Storque. Specifically, the 'Videos' section. The videos highlight different artists and crafters and show you a snippet of their studios, their art, their craft and their life. After seeing some of the studios that people are working out of, it has inspired me to completely redo my office and turn it into an actual studio. My office feels so... "office-y". It's no wonder to me that I do most of my crafting in my kitchen. I don't have dedicated workspace, it's unorganized and it has NO personality. It's so very blah. Thanks to Etsy I've seen teeny tiny studios, studios that make me drool, studios that are so loud they would give me a headache and studios that are incredibly humble. All in all, they made me feel inspired and that to me is what a studio should invoke. I want to walk into my studio and have it just feel amazing to me. I want it to scream that it's mine and more than anything I want to want to work in it. So I've made up my mind and I'm completely re-doing it. I'm so excited to get started! My first step is going to be to purge. I have too much useless "stuff" in it, doing nothing but taking up space so that is going to go. Once that's done I will be hitting thrift stores, flea markets and antique malls and infusing some life into my space. I'll post pics of my progress. Off I go!!!

Another Day At the Office

I just wanted to post this quickly to show what most of my day consists of while trying to work. Welcome to the life of a work at home Mom! When I sit down at the computer it's playtime for Gabe.

I snapped these with my webcam in my kitchen, hence the poor lighting, but you get the idea!

The Countdown Is On

Last month I purchased a really cute Advent Calendar. I'm kicking myself because I totally could have made one, and I really should have, but I couldn't forsee having the time to do it. I saw this one at the store and thought it was perfect. I admit I'm a little against the cardboard chocolate filled advents you see everywhere because I don't give my kids junkfood too often, so a treat everyday was outrageous to me...even small ones. As an alternative to treats I typed out activities on a piece of paper, cut them out and slipped one into each pocket. Each day when Vaeh wakes up, she moves the candy cane into it's new pocket and pulls out the paper. She rushes over to me and excitedly waits for me to read it out loud. I've kept it a secret from her as to what the activities are :) I've thrown in a little torture element as well, where we don't do the chosen activity until the evening when I'm done working. The anticipation of the pending activity drives her nuts all day! Among our activities we have made snowflakes, attended a tree lighting festival and played charades, just to name a few. I think one of the best things about being a parent is that you can totally geek out and do fun things like this and you don't get funny looks. Well, most of the time anyway. To me this is what Christmas is really about; the excitement and togetherness of family time and of doing fun things together. Everyday of the year should be this fun.

Reflections

Deep down, I think I've always known I want to do things differently. It's so easy to follow everyone else's move and constantly keep up with the Joneses, even if they're broke. Life these days is so much about appearances and how well you can trick other people into thinking you are fabulous. I completely got caught up in this mindset and I think the real me finally said ENOUGH!!! and gave me a good shake.
As a teenager I had incredibly low self esteem and it was so easy for me to conform. Conforming meant fitting in. Bonus. It worked! For awhile. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happy. Revelation: It wasn't "me". The journey to finding the real me began when I had my first child, Vaeh. Let me say, it wasn't a great awakening that happened the second she popped her little head out. Here I sit 7 years later writing this blog. What does that tell you. With each day that passed after she was born though, something was stirring inside of me. The first big step out of my little box of safety was making the decision to homeschool Vaeh. This may not seem like a big deal, but even as little as 7 years ago, it wasn't an overly common thing to homeschool your kids. I had many reasons for why I chose to homeschool her, but my main reason was I wanted her to experience something different, and if I could facilitate that than I had to go for it.
Over the course of the next 7 years I had my son Gabe and was now a Mom of two, but not too much really happened in the form of life change, and I was screaming for it. I spent those years in a very rough relationship and I think that had something to do with me being stuck in life. I couldn't move forward no matter how hard I tried. I was seeking something different but I didn't know what, or how to get it. My life became Groundhog Day; each day replaying exactly as monotonous as it did before. At the time what I didn't realize was that change had to come in the form of baby steps, small pieces, that when combined produce the bigger picture.
Almost a year ago I ended my tumultuous relationship and that marked the beginning of my life. My brand new shiny life that I was determined to make the most of. Over the course of the last 12 months I have been making small changes and big changes and everything has been leading to finding out who I am and what it is I really want out of life. I thought I would have a little fun at the same time and blog about my journey, my adventure, and all the mishaps and victories that are sure to come.